‘Daddy Shaming’ Happens, Too

As families celebrate Father’s Day this month, half of dads say they face criticism and second-guessing about their parenting choices.

6:00 AM

Author | Beata Mostafavi

One gift some dads may want for Father's Day: not being judged for their parenting style.

About half of fathers in a new national poll say they have faced criticism and second-guessing about their parenting choices on everything from what they feed their kids to how they play with them.

LISTEN UP: Add the new Michigan Medicine News Break to your Alexa-enabled device, or subscribe to our daily audio updates on iTunes, Google Play and Stitcher.

Many fathers say they respond to criticism in positive ways, such as changing some aspect of their parenting (49 percent) or seeking more information on the topic (40 percent); however, others had the opposite reaction, according to the C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health at the University of Michigan.

For more than a quarter of fathers polled, criticism made them feel less confident as a parent, and 1 in 5 say it discouraged them from being more involved in parenting. Many fathers (43 percent) also thought the criticism was often unfair.

The report is based on responses from a nationally representative sample of 713 fathers of children up to 13 years old.

SEE ALSO: 1 in 4 Parents Not Prepared for 'Parenting Hangovers' From Holiday Parties

"Fathers who are loving and engaged can have a positive impact on their children's development and well-being," says Mott poll co-director Sarah Clark, MPH.

"While some fathers say criticism prompts them to seek more information about good parenting practices, too much disparagement may cause dads to feel demoralized about their parental role," Clark says. "Family members — especially the other parent — should be willing to acknowledge that different parenting styles are not necessarily incorrect or harmful."

Dads most often felt criticized about how they disciplined a child, with two-thirds saying this was the top category for parenting put-downs, according to the report.

It's not uncommon for parents to disagree over issues such as the age a child should be expected to follow certain rules or the appropriate consequences for misbehavior, Clark says. But it's one of the most important areas for parents to find common ground.

"Addressing a child's misbehavior is one of the greatest challenges of parenting, and parents aren't always on the same page when it comes to expectations and consequences," Clark says.

"Inconsistency between parents in responding to a child's behavior can send mixed messages to the child and result in conflict and criticism between parents."

Diet and nutrition

The second top "daddy shaming" category was diet and nutrition, with 2 in 5 dads saying they were criticized for what they fed their kids. Nearly a third of fathers also felt judged for not paying enough attention to children, and an equal number said they were told they played too rough.

Other topics of criticism related to a child's sleep (24 percent), appearance (23 percent) and safety (19 percent).

The most common source of criticism often came from within the family — usually the other parent (44 percent of the time).

MORE FROM MICHIGAN: Sign up for our weekly newsletter

"In some instances, this may be a reflection of historical gender roles, where mothers are viewed as more natural caregivers and fathers as having limited parenting capabilities that need supervision or correction," Clark says. "When this occurs, minor differences in parenting style can cause conflict over the 'best' way to parent."

"Cultural norms, family dynamics and prior experience with his own father can also shape a dad's parenting style and influence the expectations of others," she adds.

More physical play

The same goes for criticism about being too rough or not paying attention. While fathers may engage in more physical play with their children, mothers, co-parents and other adults may perceive that the father is not adequately protecting the child from injury.

Grandparents were the next greatest dad critics (24 percent), followed by fathers' own friends (9 percent).

Nine in 10 fathers said most dads do a good job taking care of their kids, according to the poll report.

Still, some fathers describe situations in which other adults seem to discount their parental role: 11 percent have felt that a teacher assumed they were not knowledgeable about their child's needs or behavior, and 12 percent have felt that a doctor or nurse assumed they were not knowledgeable about their child's health.

Additionally, nearly a quarter of fathers polled (23 percent) have felt excluded from communication about their child's activities.

Feeling irrelevant

It's important that professionals and family members don't make dads feel irrelevant when it comes to their children's lives, Clark says.

"Some fathers say they feel that professionals who interact with their child are dismissive of their parental role," she says. "Even subtle forms of disparagement can undercut fathers' confidence or send the message that they are less important to their child's well-being.

"Professionals who work with children should avoid negative assumptions about fathers' level of involvement or interest in parenting."

Clark adds: "Family members should also be mindful of comments or critiques that may make dads feel like they don't know how to parent the 'right' way.'"


More Articles About: Children's Health Growth and Development CS Mott Children's Hospital
Health Lab word mark overlaying blue cells
Health Lab

Explore a variety of healthcare news & stories by visiting the Health Lab home page for more articles.

Media Contact Public Relations

Department of Communication at Michigan Medicine

[email protected]

734-764-2220

Stay Informed

Want top health & research news weekly? Sign up for Health Lab’s newsletters today!

Subscribe
Featured News & Stories child looking at family outside of kitchen area
Health Lab
Encouraging spirituality in teens without forcing participation
Among parents who plan to attend religious services this holiday season, nearly half would insist their teen join even if they didn’t want to, a poll suggests.
Child on device with parent in kitchen
Health Lab
Frequently using digital devices to soothe young children may backfire
Smartphones and tablets may help calm down a preschooler short term but could reduce opportunities to practice emotional coping skills, a study suggests.
doctor shot vaccine child invisible blue orange green black
Health Lab
Are parents seeking vaccine advice from their child’s primary care provider?
A recent national poll found that parents may not always turn to their child's doctor for advice on vaccinating their children.
social media phone app teen blue and orange touching phone moving gif
Health Lab
Many young people recognize negative impact of social media and have considered deleting accounts
Youth ages 14-24 often use strategies to regulate social media use, from time limits to changing settings.
Girl looking in mirror reading ugly, pimples and bad hair
Health Lab
Fighting negative body image issues in kids and teens
2 in 3 parents say their child is self-conscious about their appearance. 5 ways to nurture positive self-image and confidence in young people.
school traffic safety kid car orange
Health Lab
Parents worry school traffic is a danger for kids
Speeding and distracted drivers top list of concerns; some say those who don’t follow rules should face consequences.